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Pearl Thong


February 2017

Jon, he was about 85 and older than my usual client. He was going through a very difficult time when we first met. His wife had Alzheimer’s and aggressive, unremitting cancer, although I did not learn this until much later. As a new escort it was unnerving as he barely touched me. He was a true gentlemen and ‘courted me’ with gifts, dinners and surprise money added to my account. He started to call me by a totally new name which got confusing. He told me that being with me was like stepping back in time as my resemblance to his wife was uncanny. He started to tell me more about her. She was a model and had legs that went on for days. Jon treated me like a princess. He never had sex with me and I think that is why the pearl panties came into play … He believed somehow that just by wearing them I would be getting off on them rubbing against my bare lips. Or perhaps he felt he was being loyal to his wife by not having sex with me. He loved the clothes he gave me but I hated them. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t for me. It was for her. I understood that. I usually never allowed a client to take photographs of me but these were for him. It was a re-creation of a fragment of memory of his wife he was desperately trying to fix and put back together. He was a researcher into medicines for cancer. He was losing all the women he had ever loved, his mother and now his one sweetheart to the thing he had spent his life trying to defeat. I think he was crushed and I wanted to give him something to hold onto and remember her as she was. When his wife finally passed away I saw him once more and he wanted to know if I thought he was a bad or selfish person for having that time with me while she was still here. He wept for a love that’s so rare these days. I offered him my comfort but in the end he decided he didn’t want to love me and so curse me with the same fate as his mother and wife.


Fanny Hill


I had a new client see me during his lunch break. After a very short session we had time to chat. I told him I was studying English Literature at university (not entirely true – I’d studied it briefly in Year 11). This is when he recommended a book called Fanny Hill, a very old novel, which follows the life of a prostitute. Although I didn’t think it was that tactful, I knew I was due to read a new book and decided to order it that day. I made a list of the descriptors for penis and vagina used in the book and sent them to all my friends.


That wonderful machine

That instrument

His affair

That capital part of man

The flaming red head

Grand movement

Fierce erect machine of his

His weapon

His red-headed champion

This weapon of pleasure

The engine of love-assaults

Horn-hard gristle

The largeness of his machine

A hard thick body

A column of the whitest Ivory

Stiff staring truncheon, red topped

His drawn weapon

Essential object of enjoyment

A stiff hard body

A maypole of so enormous a standard

A breadth of animated Ivory

An object of terror and delight

Oversized machine

This furious engine

Unwieldy machine

Monstrous machine

Furious battering ram

Conduit pipe

The proud distinction of his sex

Pleasing object of all my wishes

The King member

Long white staff

Genuine sensitive plant

Standard of distinction

The battering piece

Stiff stake



Greasy landscape

Grizzly bush

Small tender part

Red centred cleft of flesh

Invisible slit

Recently opened wound

That soft passage

Wounded torn passage

Torn tender folds

Centre of attraction

The cloven spot

Young novice

Warm and insufficient orifice

The tender opening

Soft strait passage

Flesh wound

Region of delight

Pouting-lipped mouth

Soft pleasure-conduit

A furnace-mouth

Pleasure-thirsty channel

Nether mouth

Minute opening

Soft laboratory of love

Cloven inlet

Treasury of love

Rose-lipt overture

Tender furrow

Organ of bliss

Soft gateway to the entrance of pleasure